Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence is an umbrella term. It refers to a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over another. Everyone can experience domestic violence, regardless of their race, ethnicity, sexuality, gender identity, immigration status, appearance, geographic location, etc.

“what does domestic violence look like?”

• Emotional and verbal abuse (“you’re nothing without me”, “no one besides me would want to be with you”, “you’re useless”)

• Using folks’ identities to cause harm or instill fear (i.e. sexuality, immigration status, faith or religion, etc)

• Physical violence

• Sexual violence such as sexual assault or forcing someone to do something they do not want to do**

**Force is not only physical. Force includes but is not limited to: threats to harm the survivor or their families, emotional coercion, imposing fear, withholding of resources, manipulation, and/or using their position of power (ex. employer, teacher, etc.). Learn more about the definition and importance of consent.

Domestic violence impacts everyone: survivors, friends, partners, families, and our entire community as a whole. Preventing domestic violence is 100% possible and everyone can play a role!

“what Do I Do if i’m in an abusive relationship?”

There is no right or wrong decision to make. You choose what feels right and safe to you. You are the expert of your life.

Survivors may be faced with multiple options and decisions. During this time, you may not want, or be ready, to make any of these decisions. This is common and completely ok!

If you would like to speak about your options regarding reporting to the police or obtaining a medical forensic exam, you can speak to an advocate 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. You can call the DC Victim Hotline at 1-844-HELPDC (844-443-5732). If applicable, advocates can provide free transportation and stay with you throughout your exam or reporting to the police. For more information on a medical forensic exam, click HERE.

Additional support is available:

• Hotlines or chatlines: You may want or need emotional support, coping skills or grounding exercises throughout the day. These hotlines are 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. You can reach out to:

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline: via phone (800-799-7233) or access by texting “BEGIN” to 88788.

  • DC Victim Hotline to be connected to a DC SAFE advocate: 844-443-5732.

• Therapy: A lot of folks can find therapy a safe space to process is happening, speak about what healing can look like for them with a therapist who specializes in trauma such as domestic violence

  • Volare offers free, short-term therapeutic services for survivors, you can call: 202-742-1727 x 2

Some considerations:

• Safety: This can be your physical safety or safety in general. Consider if you have a support system you can reach out to. Think about creating a safety plan, such as a person to call if you feel unsafe or unwell, or a safe location to go to. Know that you do not have to share anything you do not want to. You are in control. 

• Timeline: While some options are time-sensitive, support is always available for survivors.

• It was not ok: Something happened that you did not want to happen. That is not ok and you are believed.

“Why did this happen to me?”

Power imbalances in our society are the root causes of domestic violence.

Every form of power imbalance contributes to a society where domestic violence exists. For example, there are often power imbalances based on different identities people hold.

Harmful social norms, that we accept and have become accustomed to, allow domestic violence to persist. For example: the construct of masculinity, the acceptance of violence in general, controlling and using power over people and the encouragement of silence and shame around domestic violence such blaming survivors and expecting them to change their behavior instead of asking folks why they are choosing to cause harm.

impact of domestic violence

Everyone is different and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to react, cope or feel after experiencing domestic violence.

Survivors can have a variety of reactions to domestic violence

• Emotional/Mental

  • Feelings of shame and loneliness

  • Fear of not being believed or blamed

  • Feelings of guilt about what happened

  • Feeling unsafe - this can include physical safety as well as emotional safety

  • Difficulty trusting or feeling comfortable around others

  • Suicidal thoughts or ideations

• Physical

  • Change in sleeping patterns

  • Changes in appetite

  • Hypervigilance (a constant need to look over your shoulder, look at your surroundings)

  • Elevated heart rate or rapid breathing

• NOTE: not feeling “anything” or experiencing numbness is also very common.

Survivors may engage in a variety of coping mechanisms and/or skills to alleviate and get through these reactions and emotions. Coping is how people survive, there is no wrong or right way to cope.

For survivors with various identities, reactions to sexual assault can compound and look/feel different depending on these identities. This could mean that some survivors may face additional barriers when trying to access support and resources.